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Experiencing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is saying no, giving a definite “No.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching articles half a century past, right after college graduation. From that point, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. Over the past 20 years, focusing on commentary, the rejections have multiplied. Regularly, I get a rejection frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. Overall, denials throughout my life run into thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: Now, just about everyone and their distant cousin has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, an editor rejected 20 submissions one after another before accepting one. Back in 2016, at least 50 publishing houses vetoed my book idea before someone gave the green light. A few years later, 25 agents rejected a project. An editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less often.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, every no hurt. I felt attacked. I believed my work being rejected, but me as a person.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? Why would they be overlook my skill?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? This must be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, then anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, negotiating (often seasoned with delusion). How can I convince you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

This continued for decades.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in fine company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was originally rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his school team. Many American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer estimates that his script for Rocky and attempt to star were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he stated.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the final phase of rejection. Peace. Today, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be considering that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my submission is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor thinks I am not qualified or stature to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the content I am offering. Or didn’t focus and reviewed my piece too fast to recognize its value.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are forever beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my ideas and work may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, the next, a personal story, at older—and over 1,000 articles. Those pieces have appeared in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global sources. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for half a century.

Yet, no major hits, no author events publicly, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no prizes, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily accept no at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the jolts of my frequent denials. I can afford to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be helpful, but when you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. What lessons have I gained?

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